Epiphany

So, today is WI day for me. I now weigh 104.2, so that is a loss of 400grams. At first I was terribly disappointed as I was hoping to get to my 5kg and 5% mark this week. I was obsessing all week because TTOM is due ( now overdue, and no - I'm not pregnant, no chance of that unfortunately) and I know I am always heavier at that time, that I eat more in the lead up to it, and lack motivation to exercise as I am usually bloated and uncomfortable. This week, however, I obsessed endlessly over it, weighed myself frequently and ate accordingly. At the beginning of the week I weighed 102.8 ( this is what I weighed on Monday)and today 104.2! See what this kind of obsessing can do?

Yes, I am bloated. I susupect there is an extra 250grams in each breast alone. I can see the bloating around my ankles as well as my middle. So that is some of it. Yet, I have realsied that in all honesty, I probably haven't been following the program all that closely this week. Not in the true sense of it anyway.

Someone posted on the WW message boards this week something that their leader had said, "If you nearly follow the program you will nearly lose the weight." I replied on the thread that I am committed and am carefully following the program. God, I had deceived myself so well. Yes, I exercised 6 days this week, and I increased the time and intensity of those workouts. I included some light weighht training and resistance work. I tracked my points every day. I cooked WW recipes. So I thought I was following the program. But, on close reflection, I have realsied the following:
1. I haven't been counting the milk in tea and coffee and I have had a lot more of that this week.
2. I have enjoyed too many treats this week - WW Belgian eclairs for desert or diet cho mousses, in addition to the WW bars, cookies, muffins etc. Plus the Easter egg I ate last night in depression about it all!
3. I have let my poretion sizes slip.
4. I have slipped into the habit of popping things into my mouth, or tasting my daughters' food. I thought I had been counting all that but it is hard to be accurate.

Now here is the epiphany. I did all that because I was obsessing about what the scales would show and I wanted my first 5kg so badly. I am going to face this bloating and feeling of uncomfortableness for quite a while yet so I need to get past it. So what if a bit of extra fluid affects what the scales say, or if it takes me a little longer to get to my goals. If I am honest with myself and keep doing what I know works I will get there in the end. After all, I still lost 400 grams. I feel good and am much fitter than I was a month ago. I am 4.8 kilos lighter than when I started. The graph has continued to move downward.

So, this week I am goiung to reign it in a little and minimise the amount of treats I have. Especially as next Saturday is my daughter's 9th birthday and I want to make a special cake for her. I am going to avoid letting myself get so hungry that I pick at things while cooking dinner. I am going to measure portions and try to eat more vegetables. I am going to stop obsessing and accept that this journey is not a race.

Wish me luck!