"Let us, then, be up and doing,
with a heart for any fate,
Still achieveing, still pursuing,
Learn to labour and to wait."

Longfellow

This quotation from Longfellow is pertinent to me. The idea that I need to have the 'heart for any fate" as I attempt to adapt to a new, healthier lifestyle and to change old habits. I am going to have "labour" in that I need to educate myself about nutrition and exercise, to track points daily and plan my meals in advance. Learning to wait is going to be hard for me - I'm not the most patient person in the world - and the temptation to give in after some loss has always been too great for me in the past.

I have been on WW before and lost weight each time. However, I usually get down to about 85 kilos, platueu and chuck in the towel. Not this time. This time I am going to get to goal. Initially that will be 76 kilos as that puts me in my healthy weight range, but I'm thinking I might aim for the 70 kilo mark. It seems a long way off. I haven't even totalled up how many kilograms it is that I need to lose, instead I'm focusing on 5kg sets. Tomorrow is weigh in and I am hoping I have reached the first 5 kilo mark, although TTOTM is due any moment and I am worried the bloating will result in disappointment on the sclaes. When I started to try and lose weight in January I was 112 kilos. When I joined Weight Watchers online I was 109 kilos and now I am 104.6 - hopefully less tomorrow!

As I was searching for photos to post here, I realsied how unhappy I was and that was hard to deal with. I can't even imagine what it feels like to be thin. I haven't been in my healthy weight range since 1994. My weight has simply ballooned over the past few years after the birth of my children, death of my mother, my partner's affair and the eventual demise of our relationship. I changed schools, returning to full time work and adjusted to being a single mother. In juggling it all I neglected to look after myself. I was angry, I was grieving, I was struggling. I attempted WW during that time and remember the leader asking what emotions caused me to eat. I answered, "All of them!" I was looking for love in all the wrong places.

This time I am going to succeed. It will be a long and, at times, arduous journey. But I emerge victorious. I will be slim, I will be healthy and I will be more happy within myself. I will be a much better role model for my daughters and the girls in my classes.